(Source: 123rf)
Do gender based roles apply in the current world? In many societies, men are traditionally expected to be the primary earners. However, taking into account cost of living, survival, practicality and sustainability, it is vital for both adults in a relationship to earn a living, no? This woman doesn’t think so.
Posting anonymously on XUAN’s Facebook page, a 38 year old man shared how money is a recurring source of tension in his relationship. The first flashpoint came when his girlfriend of 5 years wanted to go on a 2 week trip to Japan. Budgeting around RM28,000 for the trip, he asked his girlfriend if she would contribute a little. However she told him that “A boyfriend is supposed to pay for everything. If not, what’s the point of going?”
“We argued over this for almost 2 months. Eventually, she compromised and agreed to pay for her own flight, which cost around RM2,500”, he said in the post.
Her out-of-budget taste
The second issue that often creeps up is about buying a car. The 31 year old girlfriend had set her sights on a Mazda CX‑5, which would rack up a loan of about RM1,500 per month. Challenging this, he pointed out that her RM6,000 monthly salary, approximately RM5,000 after tax and EPF, might not comfortably support such repayments. But she dismissed his worries and insisted she could handle it.
She wants RM25,000 dowry
Another creeping crisis is over dowry expectations and wedding costs. The girlfriend demanded a minimum dowry of RM25,000 and total wedding expenses reaching RM150,000, nearly RM200,000 when combined.
“I told her that if we spend all that money on the wedding, it would be really difficult to afford the kind of house we want afterward. I’m a workaholic, and after a long day, all I want is a comfortable home to rest in”, he said.
“As a man, you pay for the house”
On top of dowry and car repayments, the couple clashed over housing contributions. The man revealed he’d asked her to contribute RM1,000 monthly towards mortgage payments. Yet here too, she refused, insisting that as the man, he alone should bear the burden.
He even gave her a supplementary card
It is not stated how much he earns, but now, since he is feeling like they aren’t growing together as a couple, he’s contemplating whether to cancel the supplementary credit card he provided her.
“Lately, I’ve started to have doubts. I’m even considering canceling the supplementary credit card I gave her. She uses it to spend around RM1,000 to RM1,300 every month.”
This story has sparked a wider discussion online. It serves as a wake‑up call about how financial expectations in relationships need clear boundaries and fairness. When contributions aren’t shared and bills fall on one person, resentment can build, and what started as a dream of shared adventures and a future home can end up feeling more like a financial burden than a partnership.
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